Brianna Cheng is a MSc Epidemiology student in the Class of 2020 at McGill University.
is it possible to mourn the living?
time’s grasp on youth seems ever loose
while draining those already
shaking
dithering
moaning
clutching that metal receptacle
you cursed and swore
words you would never use
begrudgingly accepting this fifth, sixth appendage
that appear with age
(which I swear the developmental anatomy textbooks
did not include
not because their ink ran out
but because there is still a deep fear within us all
about what it means to be old and frail)
what happened?
i mean, besides a few creaks
you were the picture of health
you’d cry “1000 steps a day”
and diligently proceed to walk
up and down home’s narrow halls
up and down
up and down
a steady force within our walls
learning tongues and news
with sharp wit and humour
an independent spirit
who had inspired my love of
good literature, medicine,
and above all,
people.
you were a life force,
and especially
mine
i know im not a doc (yet) grandma
but
i know we need to
confront this together
and acknowledge this together
sometime
when we’re both ready
for now,
maybe it’s better
we both just allow ourselves to
feel and sulk and be at odds
if only to remind ourselves
we’re both still here
even as some lonely, disjointed echoes of
who we both used to be.
we can mourn together.