Birthday during COVID

Kacper Niburski is a medical student in the Class of 2021 at McGill University*

i do not wish to tell you
that this is it
all that is left
when all is taken away

there is the sickness
older than this sickness
that can spread from a laugh or
cough alike

there is the reminder in this absent evening
it is a very courageous thing
just to be and breathe

there is the fact that even here
on the best of days
where none of this virus could’ve happened
where there is summer summoned by lemonade
and i am still in your warm arms
at least 50% remains terrible somewhere
50% is terribly awful for someone
for every child born, one dies
for every love, a heartbreak

there is me knowing that even now
there is
a small possibility for us again
and that is enough

there is the sun
with no real choice
with the colour of a dead channel
rising through the morning haze to begin once more
on these old, wet wounds

there is a feeling that time too
might be accidental
that all of this is just a bad story
and the universe is not made of energy
but the lack of it
lack of trying and love and hope and happiness
and you

there are all the things i have not yet said
but will, i think,
when you are there
where i do not have to wish
anymore

* Kacper is also the CMAJ student humanities blog editor. Follow his writing on instagram: @_kenkan.